Title is still unsure
by YourForeverAndAlways
Summary: Serena has been been living in a world where death would be more comforting than reality.She has kept a dark secret for as long as she could remember.Time after time she has pushed those closed to her away in order to keep it.Until Darien Sheilds.Will he be able to show her the way real love should be?And will he be able to save her from her from herself.
1. Birthday Blues

**AUTHORS NOTE: For some of you, you may have read some of my past I feel as if I have improved a lot since is only the start of what I hope is many chapters to has been so long since I have shared my work with anyone.I hope you like it, and this story means a lot to me, so like I said I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!**

Chapter 1- Birthday Blues

November 5th 1999

The young blonde haired girl woke up quickly from her cloud covered sheeted bed. She wiped away the sleep that still rested in her tierd eyes. She had been waiting for this day for a couple of months . And for the past couple of weeks she had become even more giddy as today was her seventh birthday. She was still wearing her pink pyjamas that were covered with bunnies when she bounced joyfully down her wooden staircase. "Mommy?" She cheerfully chirped. She paused waiting patiently for her mother's response but there was not one. She looked around while scurrying throughout the house in search of her mother. "Daddy?" she requested. The small girl with two blonde pigtails on top of her head that hung a little bit past her ears walked towards the living room. The television was on and the news was playing on low. She could see her farther slouching in his black leather lazy boy chair. He had dark hair and soft baby blue eyes just like her. He was wearing a light blue blouse which was crumbled up and dirty along with a pair of black sweatpants. She began to approach her farther with a brilliant smile across her face, but her farther was still fast asleep.

"Come' on Daddy It's my birthday." She smiled.

He continued to snore causing her to begin to shake him in attempt to wake him up.

"Daddy, it's my birthday." She chuckled. "

"So?" He groaned.

"Really funny." She chuckled and waited ."-but come' on." She spoke while continuing to nag on his arm.

"Knock it off Serena" He spoke in a more stern voice this time. She backed away a bit in surprise but the naïve little girl in all innocence assumed it was just a joke her farther was trying to play on her. "Dad." She still playfully spoke with hope echoing in her voice while reaching up to hug her farther in hope that he would give up the foolish game she thought he was playing with her.

He sat up straight in his chair and before swinging his hand towards his daughters face he let out a sigh. The impact of the hit caused her to collapsed hard to the cold solid floor. The young girl just sat there on the floor while placing her hand on her now hot and inflated cheek as tears began to flood from her eyes. "Serena knock it off you're not a baby so stop crying."

"But you hit me dad?" Still dazed she spoke.

"Get over it, you're old enough to know the truth." He paused. "I don't like you alright now get out of my face or ill be forced to hurt you again."

She looked up at her farther with disbelief. This had been the man she had always looked up to for as long as she could remember. He had always been the best farther to his daughter ,he was the one who taught her how to ride a bike, how to swim and had always been there for her whenever she needed him. Sometimes her farther would have rough days and just tell her to get lost and sometimes he would yell at her but he would always apologize right away. Even though she was still young she could understand that sometimes her farther would have a rough day. When Serena was six years old her aunt Maria had passed away. Maria was very similar to Serena's farther in many ways, they both had dark hair and glasses. However , Maria was a larger woman who had a chubby face with a pile of make up covering it. Her hair was curly and short up to her shoulders and her makeup was always ruby red lip stick and bright blue eye shadow. She never appeared as a pleasant or kind woman especially not to Kialah. The truth of the matter was she had never been a huge fan of Kialah. She always thought that Ken and her mother were to young to have a child and should of aborted her when they had a chance. Maria was always close with Ken also known as Serena 's father. She would always come around for holidays and any other chance she could. However, she would never say a kind word to Kialah. She would call her immature, childish and stupid but at the time Serena's mother Irene used to always comfort her and tell her that Maria was just sick but that was never true. Until a couple weeks after Serena's sixth birthday she told everyone she had cancer. She did the treatment and she fought hard to survive. Unfortunately, after months of struggle she finally passed away.

Her farther began to become distant slowly but not once had he become a bad farther but it was easy to see he was holding down the pain. He began to slack off at work and eventually they fired him without a second chance and when that happened things only got worse. He began to drink until he passed out and when he woke up he would start drinking again. He would never leave the house unless he had too and luckily he had enough money in their savings to last a life time. She remembered her mothers face in her warmth and comforting smile that perked her up no matter what,her mother's soft golden curls that never seemed out of place and although petit framed, she was never the most beautiful women in the room, but it was her charm that had men drooling over still in shock over her fathers behaviour still couldnt grasp where her mother could mother had always woken her up bright and early on her birthday with a flood of day would follow with vanilla ice cream topped with sprinkles for breakfast and they would goto the park and play for hours until dinner where she was spoiled with presents and 's birthday was her favorite day of the year, not because of the treats or the presents, but because it was the one day a year where her hard working mother would take the day off and spend hours with from her birthday, Serena was never neglected but her father worked as a lawyer who spent most of his waking moments in his office, and even though he tried at home he was in a sense not really there, he was still wrapped up in the big case of the long as she could remember her parents had been deeply in love, even when her father would be freaking about a big case,her mother would just look at him and kiss him and it was as if all the stress in the world had was not until his sister got sick that she began to see their love start to diminish

Serena spent the rest of the day alone in her room holding on to the one thing she could always trust. Her stuffed tuxedo Mask plush that she had gotten as a gift from her farther just a couple months ago. She heard a key in the door she lit up a bit assuming it was her mother with a cake and present ready to celebrate her birthday and that everything that happened was just a bad dream. She waited in her room all night waiting for someone to come up and check on her or to even offer her a meal but it never happened. In stead a lost little girl sat alone on her seventh birthday sobbing quietly to that everything that had happened and everything she was feeling would turn out to just be a very bad nightmare in the morning came, it was not a nightmare not at all, it was reality.


	2. Just a silly diet

**Author's Note: Hey! I am hoping people are liking it so far! I will try to update as much as I can.I have a bit of it already done, it is just a matter of looking over it before I please review! Let me know what you think! and that you like it! It is nothing like reviews to get the inspirtation flowing!**

Chapter 2- Just a silly diet

The now seventeen year old girl rolled around uneasy in her bed at the sound of her alarm clock,Still reluctant to get up. She had been just to exhausted and soar to get up right away. Eventually not wanting to wake her father down stairs she reached for the alarm clock with one hand to turn it off but it was too late. Her father's hand overlapped hers and slammed it down hard on the alarm clock. The pain in Serena's hand caused her to shriek. She looked up in to her father's eyes and saw what she always saw when he looked at her. Hatred. Hoping for a bit of mercy she mumbled softly. "I'm sorry " She stood up straight in her bed disregarding the pain that rushed up her back when she did. Just moments ago she was beyond tired but with her father in front of her in furry she couldn't help but become instantaneously wide awake . Not aware wither her father was having one of his good days or bad she began to feel nervous and anxious. Even her father's good days weren't even good in her case anymore but they were defiantly better.

"You lazy piece of shit. " He screamed. "I could hear it from downstairs, now you know what?" Defiantly not a good day.

"Yes, I'm really sorry " She spoke hesitantly.

"You can forget about breakfast today, you have only yourself to thank.I do everything for you and I wake up to that obnoxious alarm clock "He paused "Now get out of my face." He spoke roughly.

"Yes Sir," She spoke in a mono tone.

He began to head towards the door to leave his daughter's room and back down to his television. While Serena remained on her bed she let out a soft sigh. She headed to her closet and tried to pick something out for school that would hid the marks. She picked out a light grey long t-shirt and as she began to take off her pyjama shit and place on the grey one she softly bit her bottom lip to stop her from yelping from the pain. She threw her hair in the usual messy bun like style she usual did and began to do the most difficult part. She reached for her cover up in her draw and began to apply it to the bruise on her left cheek. The make up after several layers covered it in most lighting but it would have no other choice but to be enough. After that she hurried to put on her dark pair of jeans trying to cause herself as little pain as possible. Even though her father didn't treat her well she always had clothes, school supplies and anything else that the public could notice about her. He on occasion gave her money to hang out with friends so that no one caught on to what was really happening. She quietly sneaked down the stairs and walked in to her kitchen. Just the idea of food itself had her mouth salivating, she pondered if it was worth it and worried about what would happen if she got caught but she knew she couldn't go another day without food. He had already taken away her dinner yesterday for coming home too early as if that should be a punishment but for him it was .Luckily, yesterday she had been able to scrimmaged enough change together to afford a candy bar at the corner store. She heard her stomach growl, hoping she wouldn't get caught she softly opened the cupboard and grabbed a granola bar and a rice crispy square .She turned towards the door when she felt something tug on her school bag so hard it sent her crashing down to the cold floor.

"I'm so-so Sorry, I can explain." She stuttered out.

"I'm waiting you filthy slut." He stood in front of her with his arm already waiting to strike.

"Well-Well." She stuttered again in fear. He sent his hand flying straight across her face causing her to let out a loud groan.

"Shut it ."He paused "Now tell me or else it will only get worse."

"Well, People were getting curious about me being loosing weight and my stomach always growling."

"Are you saying I don't provide ?You ungrateful brat." He roared and he was furious ."Stand up."

She did as he commanded and with that he sent a hard fist soaring to her face which only caused her to shriek in pain while kneeling down from the pain .He turned from his daughter and headed back to the lazy boy but not before stopping to get another beer.

"Get out already."

She nodded and with that she took her opportunity to get out of the house before he found something else to be mad about. She began to walk down the streets trying to recover enough to make it to school without getting noticed. She arrived at the large white building where her class mates were all running to class .As she tried to walk towards the school building she knew she couldn't do it. She was in to much pain today from the beatings her farther had given the night before and she knew that someone would start to get suspicious if she ever went to school like this. With that she pasted the school building until she began to wonder the streets. She turned around the corner and collided with something.

"Watch where your going meatball head." He chuckled "Hey! Isn't school the other way?"

In front of her stood a very tall and handsome man. His hair was ebony black and he had crystal blue eyes similar to hers. He had tanned skin and was wearing a black t-shirt and light jeans. His name was Darien and he had known Serena since she was fourteen and two had always jokingly feuded together for those years.

"Not today Darien, Not today." She said pushing past him.

He walked with a bit of speed trying to catch up to her and when he did with one hand he grabbed her arm and she let out a huge gasp. "I'm sorry , it's just your lip is bleeding" He softly spoke.

She quickly used her sleeve to wipe the blood from her lip.

"Serena?" He said in a sincere concerned voice.

"What?" She spat back.

"You know if-."  
But she cut him off "Darien, leave me okay? We've talked about this before you need to just-."

And then she collapsed while her surroundings became hazy and then everything was black. Darien caught her just before she hit the cold ground.

She woke up in a white room she was unfamiliar with. It had a few shelves on the wall and a counter with sink besides that only two posters hung on the wall. One was of daily nutritional chart and the other was of the rules and regulations. She pondered to herself about how she got there, the last thing she remembered was arguing with Darien. She grasped on to her mouth in shock .She must of fainted .She knew it, she hadn't been eating well lately and she must of ran out of strength. She sat up from the table she was lying on. Someone had put a blanket on top of her and a blue vest to support her head. She looked towards the door and decided she must get out fast before someone started to ask questions. She leaped down from the table and headed towards the door .Once out she let a sigh of relief escape her mouth .That's when Andrew caught a glimpse of her and began to walk over. Andrew had dirty blonde the swept right before his light green eyes .He was wearing a white blouse and a pair of jeans with a apron on top of it. Andrew worked at the arcade Serena use to go to whenever her dad actually gave her money to get out with her friends. She had always been close with her four best friends Rei, Mina,Lita and Amy. She remained friends with them all and kept her secret safe until last year when the beatings got worse and they began to become suspicious she had to end their friendship without much of an explination.

FLASH BACK

She saw he friends standing together near the water fountain. Yes, her dad was never the nicest guy recently but today he let her go out with a whole fifteen dollars to see her friends. She was thrilled when he let her out because she really needed an escape and her best friends were the only thing that helped her make it threw the days still smiling.

First there was Rei ,she was tall with black hair that was long and straight and she had the more incredible colour eyes that were brown but had a tint of purple in there. She worked and lived with her grandfather who owned a temple not to far from Serena's place. The two girls were like sisters .Of course, the two always battered i over a comic books or how things were done but deep down they cared deeply for each other.

Then there was Mina. She was blonde like Serena except her hair was longer and down with a red bow usually worn in her hair. Some say they looked like twins which was true, they had the same blue eyes and same body type. Mina was always the one to look on the bright side which was why everyone could always depend on her especially in the love one of her close friends was was the girl who had medium length brown hair that she always wore up in a pony tail. She was tall like the other girls but more built, she was known as the protector. She was always the tom boy of the group but she had her way in the kitchen that's for sure. Amy was the girl who had a wavy short brown hair style but oddly enough it suited her was always the mother in the group the one who always thought things threw and looked out for the rest of the girls. Not to mention she was the smartest girl in school.

The four girls where gathered together laughing and chatting when Serena was walking towards them. They were all either wearing short shorts or short skirts along with some type of tank top. Seeing as the weather was crazy hot. However, Serena was wearing a pair of sweats and a plain blue long sleeve shirt. She walked up to the girls and each of them looked her up and down with a shocked expression on their faces.

"Serena? are you crazy?" Exclaimed Mina.

"What?" Serena Shrugged it off.

"You know I'm not the shorts type but Girl it's boiling." Lita commented.

"I'm actually quiet cold." Serena rebutted.

"Yep, That explains why you're sweating right?" Rei Sneered .

"Rei , Kialah's business is her own." Paused Amy "But Kialah you know if you need to you can tell us anything right?"

"You know what? Nothing is going on alright? Just mind your own business fuck." Serena spat.

"You don't have to take it out on us you know were your friends we care." Commented Amy.

"Just mind your own and leave me alone all of you!" Serena said while storming away in tears.

END OF FLASHBACK

"Hey!" He hollered

"Did you not hear me calling you?" "

"Sorry Andrea. "She fake chuckled." But I got to go but thanks for everything."

"Wait a minute." He said before running in to a room off to the side. He came out holding a can. "Take this." He said while handing her an energy drink.

"Thanks." She said before turning away.

"Serena, by the way what's wrong with you? Why did you pass out?" He questioned.

She chuckled "Well , a silly diet you know how us girls are." "

"Well just take care alright?"

"Will do Andrew." She walked out of the arcade and found a safe place to sit down. She gulped down the energy already feeling a bit less weak but she knew it wouldn't't last .She wondered around the streets and went to the nearest library to just have somewhere to sit down in peace until it was time for her to be back at home. The thought of her going back to the place gave her the very chills, The time passed by slowly while she nervously began to walk back home.


	3. For Serena

**Authors Note: Id like to thank those of you who have reviewed! This chapter a head up might be a little.. how do I say know when you watch TV and they have the warning before the show that it has graphic details and may offend.. That one? Yeah pretend that just played! I will continue to try and update quickly like I after this chapter I will be writing from scratch! I have written some of this story prior to considering posting it, so it was more just editing and preparing it to post! Now to get the wheels in my head turning to finish the rest!**

She arrived at her home and shrieked before walking in. She tip toped in her house hoping not to get caught walking in but she was out of luck once again. As she began to walk up the stairs to her bed room she heard him call her name. "Yes sir?"

"Sir? come on I'm your dad." He cheerily spoke which took Serena by shock.

"Okay, dad." She awkwardly spoke.

"Come to the kitchen, I made you dinner."

She slowly made her way to the kitchen while her father was sitting down at the table a plate of spaghetti awaiting her on the table. She sat down and ate her food without speaking through out the meal. Her dad of course had his beer by his side. She was shocked by his behaviour hoping he could be sober but by the way he swayed back and forth while he walked you could tell he was still very much under the inhaling the food placed in front of her, afraid that he might change his mind in a matter of seconds.

"I have a friend coming over tonight, you remember Diamond don't you?"

"Yeah, you use to work with him right?"

"Yes so the point being is that I want you to be on your best behaviour, it that understood?"

"Yes."

And like clock work they both hear the sound of the bell ring. Her father got up from his chair and made his way over to the the could hear them greeting eachother like old remembered Diamond alright. He worked at the firm her father worked at before her father eventually got fired for his remembered as a child that her mother dispised the couldn't remember why exactly but her mother believed that he was a bad man who would take my father out once he started working at the firm, and everytime that he did Ken would return home late in the evening almost unable to guessed that her mother had disliked him for that reason, the man who had gotten her father on the path to his down hill spiral.

Diamond was now about forty seven years old similar to her father's age but he looked about ten years older by the wrinkles that covered his dark tanned face. He had curly blonde hair that hung up to his ears but greasy and rigid. He had dark hollow green eyes and his smug face that was covered in hair that had not been shaved in god knows how long. Despite his unpleasant appearance he had a personality to match but with the way people had treated her in her life time Diamond was a decent guy to her. She put on a smile and walked in to the room greeting them all with a pleasant and brief "Hello."but as she went to turn away she was unable to leave.

"That's all I get? It's my birthday!" Diamond voice chuckled.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Happy birthday Diamond."

"That's all I get Sere? Com'on over here and give me a hug."

She looked over at her father who's eyes gave a deathly stare encouraging her to do as told. As she approached him she could smell the liquor that lingered on his breathe as he squeezed her tight she tried not to squeal in pain which she managed until his grip finally loosened.

"I forgot you're a young lady now aren't you?" he said goggling her chest.

She awkwardly excused herself up to her bedroom where she could be free of their drunkenness but her peace didn't last to long as she heard her house phone begin to ring which followed by her father screaming for her to answer the phone on the cordless which was followed by him saying he was going to meet some women named Beryl and they would be back shortly.

Her brown wooden bedroom door made a sharp and piercing sound as it hit the was Diamond. He barged in as if this place was his own with a beer bottle in hand. You could tell by the wobble in his walk that his amount of beers were in the double digits. As hard as the door hit the wall it closed just as hard while he wobbled towards the bed where she lied.

"You're a beautiful yound lady you know that?" He paused while placing his hand on her face. "Just like your mother."

"Thanks." She mumbled. Unaware but terrified of what Diamond was trying to get to she hoped that soon her father would be home and she would be in the same zone.

"I know I don't visit enough, I should do you think?" He said before placing his hand on her thigh.

"Diamond" She spoke softly and pushed his hand off her thigh.

"How dare you ?"He sneered "After all your father does for you, you can't even be nice to one of his old friends?."

He pushed Serena against her bed and got on top of her .She let out a loud "no" several times but he just kept hitting her until she silently began to sob. He slowly took of her t-shit while she squirmed around which revealed her size C36 chest that he smiled in delight at. He leaned down and kissed slowly down her neck as she grunted in disapproval. He placed his hand forcing her mouth to his and kissed her roughly. She was still waling even more at the point as she clutched on to her golden chain on her neck with an angel that hung but he chuckled. He grabbed the pocket knife from his pocket and flipped it open. He placed the cold metal against her arm making a large slit .She shrieked in pain but he once again chuckled at her pain.

. "Listen here you do as I direct or I'll keep cutting you." He smiled in delight. "You know I will."

"No, please, just don't." She begged. He made another cut threw her jeans that caused her to bleed through the jeans.

"Do you understand me now? Or must I continue hurting you?"

All she could do was nod. She was in shock at what was unravelling before her. She was used to getting hit or on worse days beaten and although the pain never got slightly bareable she had learned how to endure it,her farther had been hitting her with his fist and many other things he could manage to find. He would even burn her sometimes when he was bored but this? She felt as if it this were to happen,it would be the one thing that really broke a way that was not knew if she was to dare fight back she would die. He began to undo his belt and undo his zipper while he was on top of her. He slowly unhooked her bra revealing her naked breast. He began to caress her breast while kissing her breast in pure happiness. He then ripped off her jeans and slowly pulled off her underwear with his mouth.

She finally spoke up. "Please stop, it-it'll be my first." She balled. " I don't want you."

He took the side of his palm and sent it flying at her face causing her nose to bleed. He had now become frustrated and more erect. He put it in her as she began to try to free herself from his embrace. He made her say she liked it as he penetrated within her, She did as told while she continued to cry out in pain. She began to bleed but that didn't stop him he just began to thrust harder and harder while he finally came in her. He got up off her naked and bloody body and quickly put on his clothes and left the room.

She spent the whole night quietly sobbing to herself not moving from the position he had left her in .She was sore and did not even know if she was capable of moving even if she tried. Not an bit of sleep she got that night and when she could see the sun slowly rise from her bed room window she struggled to get up straight .She felt weak and limb when she moved her legs to stand she felt a shock pain was sent threw her pelvic region .She was finally able to stand in one piece if that's what you could call it. She glanced now in shock of the state of her bed. The sheets were wrinkly and covered in her own blood. She walked her way to the shower to trying and clean her self off. She ran the hot water and as it showered over her fragile body she yelped in pain as the hot water hit against her still healing wounds. finally she was dressed in another long sleeved shirt and pair of grey sweat pants. She managed to slip out of the house while her farther was still passed out on his chair with a bottle of beer resting in his hand. She began to head to the arcade with a limp in her walk. She tried to stand up straight ignoring the pain that conquered threw her body. She knew she had school and that eventually they would realize her lack of presence in her classes but it was a risk she would have to take. The way things had been happening in school she didn't have the energy or courage to show her face in school .Her face was covered in layers of cover up but the purple bruise still managed to shine through. There was a red mark on her neck from the blade Diamond had placed against her throat. Both hands were covered with white bandages one hiding a burn mark from the stove that her farther willingly placed over the heat. Then there was one more thing that no one was able to see, it was the damage on the kind of damage that very little can recover from.

=================================================================== =At the arcade=

Darien sat up lean and straight on the red stool drinking his hot and black coffee while talking with his best friend and Darien had been doing this ritual for as long as Andrew started to work at the everyday after dinner Darien would come by the arcade and have his black coffee and talk with andrew while he finished up the last hour of his shift. The two had been best friends ever since they were seven years old. Andrew had gone to the orphanage with his school to give gifts to other kids without families for had been one of those kids at the was a young kid who felt completely alone and had come up to him that day with a wrapped presents and introduced first Darien was not interested in the package or whatever the kid had to say but Andrew was that day the two bonded and stayed friends from the day.

"Darien." He acknowledged.

"That's my name."

"I think there's something up with Serena. I'm really worried." He uneasily spoke.

"Why ?It's like she told you probably one of her stupid ways to try to loose weight" He paused while sipping his drink . "Girls their age always try to loose weight even when they don't need to."

"I don't think that's true though. "He pondered a bit. "She's always wearing long sleeves , she stopped talking to her best friends and she's always weak and starving."He paused "Really think of it, how many times do you run into her everyday? Hasn't there been many weird situations that she refuses to discuss? "

"You think someone's hurting her?" He defensively questioned

. " Most probably but I can't watch something like that happen to her." He sighed "She's like a sister to me."

"Talk to her then Drew," He earnestly spoke.

t she won't. She's to suspicious of us to let us get close enough to find out."

"I'll do it ,she won't suspect it from me and maybe I can get close enough to find out for you." He offered

"Really?" Like a child he cheerily spoke and lit up.

"For you and Serena." He confirmed.


	4. Chapter 4

** Authors Notes: although it only be a few, I would like to thank those of you who have reviewed! I know reviews can be a bit annoying to do, you just want to read and get on to the next story or your own day to day lives! BUT! if you can reviews would be appreciated:) I'm sorry aswell if it took a little while to write this -terms finished and I have been down visiting family!Also, I am planning to challenge myself to increase the length of chapters so it will also result in longer wait time! I also switched into first person narrative! BTW! For some reason,when I post it tends to delete random words so I tried to fix it, and if I missed any or it does it again I do apologizE**

I must have fallen asleep last night, but I didn't know how that was even possible.I rememebered lying there in my bed for hours on end,sobbing until I was sure there was nothing left to come .Then came the point of where I become numb,I didn't feel,I was not angry, or upset. The events that took place only hours ago felt as if it was a nightmare,but that was how everything felt not just being forced by Diamond .They were all so surreal, and I wanted them to stop, but I had learnt the hard way that fighting back only made it worse.I was still sore from not only the cuts that Diamond had caused across my body but the pain of what he stole from stole my virginity, but not just that but he stole one of the few things I thought I would have control over and my pain was excruciating, not just physically but emotionally. I headed over to the shower and stripped my self to hop into the warm stream of water.I winced at the pain that the water caused against all of my fresh wounds.I couldn't help wonder how I let myself get to this point in my was all too was only one place that I could go, one place that would take away all of the pain, if only momentarily.

I realized it was friday and I knew I could not show my face at school regardless.I deciced to give myself an early weekends had become one of my favorite was a time where I had no obligations, and I could wander off for hours .Those hours that I would spend away from were the best hours of the weekend and I would always retreat to the same place. It was not to far from my house,it took only a couple of minutes by bus to get to.I remember I used to go there all the time with my mother when I was little and now since my mother had left, it had now become my place of safety.

I walked up that steps that lead to my place of security, it was stone steps that were surronded by the green grass covering the entire area.I walked further up and I already felt safe. The view up here was spectacular, and I was always shocked at how under utilized it was, the view was of the water and it was sounds of the city was lost at this was my most favorite place in the whole world, in a sense it was almost my place of the grass it turned into light cement stone, that had cement walls that created a mini of the walls had window holes in them, and the walls seperated the fort into several areas. Before sitting down on the cold concrete ground I pulled out a lavender blanket from my school bag and placed it on the ground .I sat down and leaned against the solid stone wall and let out a sigh of relief.I remembered all of the times I had come here with my mother, we had the same ritual for as long as I could would come down to this old stone fort that was usually always deserted, she would place this same blanket beneath us and she would sit with me and she would write for would pack a few snacks and a coloring book to keep me occupied, but I remember looking up at her in fascination and admiration as she would get completely absorbed into what she was writing. I reminisced on the memory of my mother and I pulled out my own notebook which I would do the same as she used to do. My notebook was a black leather binned book that locked in the front that required a number sequence code to open. I remember waiting weeks to be able to scrummage up enough money to afford having a job left me dependent on my father for money, and being the man he was it wasn't most girls,a diary was a companion,a companion who kept your every secret and could never tell anymore. It held your insecurities and your deepest darkest me these secerets were almost as dark as it could get and if anyone ever read it ,it would change my life forever.I spent hours either looking up at the water front, just enjoying my surroundings and the sense of peace that came with the place.I spent hours writing here, filling pages with my recent secrets and thoughts, and every time that I looked at my watch I hated that time was passing and that soon it would be dark and I would inevitably have to head home.

As I left my place of serenity, I went to head over to the bus stop.I waited for a couple of minutes, but I was thankful for every one of the minutes that passed bus finally came and I found myself squeezing on between a herd of people.I made my way on to the middle of the bus, trying to find something to hold on to, in an attempt to prevent myself from falling.I was too bus made a quick stop and I found myself falling on to a passenger.

I lifted myself off of them as fast as I could and I could feel my checks began to flare a bright red in embarrassment. "Oh I am so so sorry" as I looked down to who I might of just crushed, and he had already spoken before I realized just who it was.

"I knew you would fall for me one day meatball head" he laughed

It was Darien.

"Oh no" I groaned.

"What you were happy to see me just a minute ago" he mocked

"It was an accident, jerk face"

"Jerk face? that's a good one meatball head." he laughed at me once more.

I crinkled my nose at him and turned to face the other way.I wasn't going to let Darien ruin the last minutes of freedom I had left to myself.

"Listen Serena," he paused waiting for me to turn around and I only did because of the shock of hearing him say my name.I had known Darien for such a long time , and by known I meant running into him accidentally for many years,and this must have been the first time he had ever addressed me by my first name.

"What did you just call me?"

"Yes meatball head you know what I called you." he sighed "But listen I was hoping I'd run into you.I ran into your dad this morning and he mentioned that your report card came in and you haven't been doing so well in math, and he asked me to tutor you, and believe it or not I said yes."

Apart from the first thought that jumped into my mind,which was that my dad had his hand on my report card and I was on my way heading home,but my second thought was that there was no way that I was going to let Darien tutor me. Not only was it Darien, the guy who had made it his life passion to annoy and tease me for as long as I could remember, but I couldn't remember the last time I had spent time with anyone.I had gone to see Andrew at the arcade maybe once a month now a days for a couple of hours, but I just didn't spend that kind of time around people anymore.

"I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon, but thanks anyways"

"Well, I knew you would say that, which is what I told your dad but he said that you didn't have a choice about the matter." He handed me a piece of paper and moved his way closer towards the exit. " Heres my address and my number, come by tomorrow around 2 o'clock and well start, bye meatball head."

This was not good news.

I arrived back at my would never guess from the outside what went on behind those closed the outside of my place it looked like an average suburban house. It was a two-story house,it was all a red brick with a white porch and an attached garage.I approached the white door and found it locked which it never was.I dug around in my school bag to try to find a key which took me what seemed like forever.I couldn't remember the last time my dad had locked the house door, he oddly never left the house unless he had run out of booze but he had his own cabinet that was always stocked so it was rare. I spent a couple of minutes digging around in my bag and I opened the door and walked in and placed my shoes to the side.I looked around cautiously, after what Darien had mentioned about my report card, I was definitely afraid of what would happen when I would run into my father.

"Hello?" I called out but there was no answer.

I walked into the kitchen and was suprised to find a note on the kitchen table beside my report card.I had yet to even see my report card so I was scared to know just how bad my grades were. I was suprised when I read it over to find I had managed to pass every class besides was no suprise to me considering that math was not one of my strong suits. On top of that my attendance in class diminishing but math had never made any sense to me.I picked up the note next.

_Gone spend the night out.I got you a tutor because you're apparently just as stupid as I thought and need don't think you're getting away with those kind of grades in my house!I will deal with you tomorrow._

Shit.

As I finished the last bit of the note.I knew I would be in trouble tomorrow, but at least I had the house to myself which was not only a rare occurence but was something that I needed more than I could ever imagine. I took another shower that evening before heading to a night of restless sleep.I had showered one last night and this would be the second time today.I just couldn't scrub away the sense of filth that Diamond had left all over me.I felt no matter how hard I scrubbed or how many times that I did, I could still feel him all over reminded me I would have to stop by the drug store tomorrow before meeting Darien to pick up the day after pill.

"Diamond, please stop it.I won't tell anybody I swear." I pleaded.

"Shut it I said."

He moved his hands to the side of my face and began to kiss my neck and work his way up to my mouth. I tried to squirm away but his grip on me was to tight to placed his lips on mine and forced his tongue into my mouth.I felt utterly repulsed but no squirming was making any use. He plunged inside of me harder this time.

"You like it, don't you? you little slut."

I didn't knew that I didn't but yet it didn't stop him.

"I asked you a question." He demanded.

"No!No I don't!" I managed to speak.

"Wrong answer." He hit me hard across the face once more " Let's try this again shall we? I said do you like it? " He asked again with his fist hovering above my face.

I knew there was no use, he wouldn't stop till he got what he wanted.

"Yes" I mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I said yes."

"Yes what Serena?" He mocked

"Yes I like it." I mumbled once more.

"I know you do." And with that he continued on, and I could tell that he became more erect in the process of forcing me to declare that I liked his torture.

He grasped on to my hips and continued to plunge inside me deeper and deeper.

I sat up in my bed with a wasn't just a dream,it was a memory.I could feel that my whole body was drenched in sweat. I woke up and I tried to shake the images of him out of my head, but it was almost impossible.I glanced over at my alarm clock only to realize that once again I was late,it was already 1:00. How the hell had I of slept in so long.I jumped out of my bed and began to hussel, I gathered together the nearest clothes I could find and fixed my hair as quickly as I trotted down the stairs in to the kitchen where my father sat with his dark coffee which was most probably mixed with vodka and the newspaper of the day.

"Serena, Come Sit Down." I shrieked at his voice but did as told. "Your principle called the other day." He paused. "This needs to stop, this not attending school."

"I know," I looked down to the floor not aware of whatelse I could possibly say.

"Listen, You need to pick up your act or else." he threatened. "You think the way I discipline you is hard , foster care is even worse with no one who loves you."

"I know." I repeated.

"Stop saying you know because you don't ."he roared. " Listen, I ran in to your friend Darien on my way to the corner store and he casually asked how you were and we got talking." He paused again ." We ended up talking about your grades and he suggested tutoring you."

"so I've been told"I sighed.

He stood up from his chair and angrily shoved the chair underneath the table and walked behind where I sat .His hand hit the back of her head harshly as he spoke. "Stop messing around kid." He spoke while walking towards his couch with another beer ."Oh and it's strictly business with you and that tutor okay slut."

After hurrying out of the house over to the drug store and then I made my way to Dariens'.I shuffled my feet out dreading heading over to his place and I started to realize how my book bag weighed heavy on my beaten back that I had still not recovered from last week.I made my way to the address scribbled down on the paper. 546 Linton Road Apartment 12#. That was Darien's place the one who I would be forced to see every second day. It had been a while since I had been around one person for a long period of time. I had learnt the hard way with my friends that it was harder to juggle my secret home life than to let go of them. I sighed as I approached the large tall grey building and took the elevator up to the sixth floor and I hesitantly knocked on the door written 12 in big numbers I was taken aback when I saw Darien. I always knew that Darien was an attractive man, whenever he was around I could swear there were women constantly staring at him. When Darien came to the door he was wearing a dark wash straight leg jean and a simple black t-shirt but yet he looked like he just steped off of a magazine cover, but boys were off the agenda and plus this was Darien after all.

"Hey, Come' on in Serena." He smiled.

"Thanks." I mumbled in return.

Inside the apartment it was elegant but sleek. The walls were all solid and bold colours with all new furniture and appliances. I dropped my bag on the couch reliving my back of the agonizing pain and from it I pulled out a calculus book.  
"Might as well get started."I suggested

He nodded.

We worked on going for a good few hours non stop as he tried to explain while I struggled mindlessly. Once and a while we would chuckle at a few jokes and have a drink and food that I couldn't help but quickly guzzle it down. I finally snapped my book and sighed in relief.

"Wow." I sighed.

"So, I guess I'll see you in two day?"

"I guess so." I said standing up.

Collectively I gathered my stuff together and shoving it in to my bag as Darien followed me to the door to open it.

"See you later kiddo." He joked giving me a jokingly tap on her back.

I accidentally yelped in pain and I could feel a bit of blood began to seep through my shirt. Darien pulled me in the door frame by my arm absolutely flabbergasted .

"Serena"

"What Darien? I just pulled something in my back ,no biggie." I chuckled.

"Right, because every time I pull something I bleed." Sarcastically he commented.

"I meant I pulled something when I fell and I scraped my back." I Chuckled hysterically. "You know clumsy me."

"You say so, see you tomorrow Serena" He spoke without question.

I hurried out of the building trying to avoid contact with anyone and get home as quick as I could. I finally got in to the house quarter past nine and I slammed the door behind and sighed in relief.

For two weeks Darien and I had been meeting to study and today we had decided to meet at the local arcade where the friend of both Darien and I worked part time trying to put himself through school. Most arcades is where what people would consider the hot spot for the nerds and losers but The Crown Arcade was different. It was a modern place that was half arcade filled the recent and classic video games for all types and the other half was a small diner. The food was cheap and good which dragged all the high school kids in and not to mention almost everyone who worked there was good looking which of course had all the high school girls mouths drooling and hearts breaking. From the day I was thirteen years old when my father was just starting to get more seriously violent I would sneak off there any chance I had. Sometimes when my father was in his rare good moods he would give me some cash and I would save it up and go time passed my fathers' kindness seized to exist which made it all that much harder to deal with everything. Whenever I did have an opportunity I would always sit in this old beat up booth which they had yet to fix but because Serena enjoyed it so much Andrew let it just stay. It was a light turquoise color while the others sleek black leather but yet sitting there I could always feel the rest of the world fade away around me.

When Darien and I both arrived I brought him to my seat which was something I had never done with anyone but like that booth I felt safe and secure around him. His soft and delicate blue midnight eyes filled me with a security I could not yet understand. How could I not trust him? Darien was a smart guy and he must of known that my bogus story the other day was nothing more than a lie but yet he did not pressure me on the matter. We sat together while Darien order his usual dark black coffee and my chocolate milkshake.

"We should really play that Sailor V game later, Don't cha think?" I suggested breaking away from my chocolate heaven.

"Someone seems a little more energetic." He joked.

I smiled at his words in agreement.

"How about we skip the study session today and get to know each other better?" He suggested. "And plus you're really getting a hang of the Algebra."

"Sounds good to me." I chirped.

"Any ideas?"

"How about twenty questions? I'll go first." I suggested. "Favourite color?"

"Black, you?"

"Black? Black is a shade even I know that." I chuckled. "But pink."

"Go figure." He teased while laughing at his own joke.

"Hey! You big jerk!" I yelled softly tapping him on the head with my rolled up paper.

"Okay that's all you got dork?"

"Dork? Dork ?" I fumed.

"I'll show you meatball head!" He stood up throwing some cash on the diner table and quickly dashing out of the arcade. I did the same running as fast as I could chasing him out of the arcade and all the way down the street to the park where he finally stopped.

"How-how do you go so fast?" I puffed out of breathe.

"I jog twice a day."

"I see, I was just about to give up on you."

"But how with my irresistible charm?" He smugly smiled.

I felt myself blush a bright red as my stomach began to turn and spin as butterflies overwhelmed me. Not once in my life had I had this feeling within me and I was unsure of how to deal with this world wind of emotions. It couldn't happen, it was just not what was planned. I stared blankly in to his eyes while he looked back deep in to my eyes. The moment was silent because there was no need for words but the look we were giving to each other was stronger than anything else. Unwanted lust filled my entire body from head to toe. The next thing I knew our faces were getting closer and closer, and I don't know how it our lips were touching. Our lips moved together as If they had done this a million times the moment I no longer thought of nothing whole body went weak with his touch. I had to grasp reality of the situation.I broke away from the kiss, even though my body craved more.

"I have to go-" I sternly spoke.

"But we just met up?"

"I know, good-bye Darien."

He reached out to grab my hand to stop me from leaving but in result I both shrieked in pain and flinched. My back went stiff just like a cats and I wished that I could of ignored the excruciating pain that fled from my hand when he had grabbed it.

"Serena ?"

"Sorry, you scared me."

"It's more than that." He grabbed my arm as I attempted to pull my hand out of sight but it was no used. Darien flipped my palm of my hand where from the looks of it was three burn marks that were in a row which looked as if they came from a stove.

"Darien," I softly spoke in embarrassment.

"Somethings going on, who's doing this to you?"

"No one, I tried to make breakfast and I slipped and grabbed on to the oven by accident." I tried to cover up.

"No you didn't." He stated. "You expect me to believe that? First with the back and now this?"

"Darien, just stop it please?" I tried to beg.

"Why? Why Can't you just let someone help you?"

"It's none of anyone's business okay?"

"Its not a secret do you know that? Who are you trying to keep this from?"

" It's my personal business and from everyone if they'd just let me be." I argued back at him.

"Rei,Amy,Lita,Mina,Andrew and me" He Listed. "You think were stupid? We've all noticed and now I know I must sound harsh but we've been waiting and waiting for you to tell us but if we keep waiting it might be too late." He stiffened up looking down at the ground. "I'm scared for you okay? I'm scared the next time I see you It that you will be in a coffin."

I couldn't believe the words he had just said to me. I couldn't help but softly sobbed to myself while turning away from him and quickly whipping away the tears that we're quickly falling from my eyes. He was my father, if I agreed with his methods or not and it was the only family I had left and I wasn't going to loose him now. I arrived at my house shortly after what had happened with Darien in the park and he was all I could think of. What he said had got to me worse than I thought possible. But I had to forget that and forget him it was the only way I could survive it. I stood in front of my door before clutching on to the handle .I just stood there and tried to gather myself together before entering what I had no idea what was in store for long after I arrived home the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi Serena, It's me Darien." responded the masculine voice on the other line.

"Oh." she bluntly responded

"I was just calling to ask you if you wanted to do something tomorrow?" he paused "Non homework related maybe?"

"Darien, I don't think that would be such a great idea"

"But why not we had fun today before well you know." he cut himself off "which I also wanted to apologize about and make-up to you?"

"You want to apologize to me?" Shocked I responded.

"Yes, You we're right. I don't know you all that well and what happens in your personal life is up to you to discuss when you're ready" He stopped. "But know if you do need someone to talk to you know where I live."

"Thank you."

"so tomorrow please?"

" fine."

"Great, all text you tomorrow Serena, have a good night."


	5. A moment

**Author's Notes: This chapter is a little short I know.I have been feeling a little discouraged which has only lead to writer's block. I would like to once again thanks those of you who have been reading along and have been reviewing! I only ask that you review and let me know what you think, its nothing like hearing how much someone enjoys your story to spark some creative juices!**

I woke up to the sound of my cell phone alarm going off uncontrollably.I turned it off as quickly as possible, not wanting to attract my dad's attention to myself. I rolled over in my bed. It had been at least a week since I had seen or heard from Darien. I suppose that is a lie. I had heard from Darien, but he had just not heard from me. I had told him that we would meet up the next day after he called, but every time I thought about how the situation would unfold I knew there was no good outcome. Even now I still thought of him a great deal,and when I did I found myself finding a feeling of happiness one I did not experience very often.I could see two result of me hanging out with Darien. The first being we became friends and the second would be us becoming more than would result in me letting him in more than what was day Darien and I had planned on meeting up,I had received numerous missed calls and text messages but I had ignored them all the same. I had done the same thing to my other friends, when I realized that friendship and management of my life now was not two things that could go hand in hand. I thought of my friends and how much fun we used to have.I remembered Mina and I sitting at the arcade watching the cute boys pass by and rating which ones we would date. I even missed how much Rei and I would argue and fight over anything and everything.I had sent them one final email before they more or less gave up. I had told them that I was going through something and had to go through it alone. I begged of them to leave it all alone and that one day I would come to them.I knew that was most probably a lie,but I needed was too much to lie everyday to people I cared way too much about.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door.I rolled myself out of bed not even thinking of someone seeing me in my pink teddy bear pyjamas. I slowly marched down the stairs and answered the door. I was beyond not prepared to see Darien at the even thinking I went to shut the door directly on him but his hand stopped it.

"Serena, just please talk to me."

I sighed but still did not know what to say.

"Rena please,you've been ignoring all my calls.I didn't want to just sneak up on you,here of all places but you've left me no choice." He pleaded.

"Darien, I don't know what you want me to say.I really don't."

"Just give me a shot,to be friends.I know something is going on with you, but I won't question can be friends and you can use our time together and not have to worry about your secrets."

It worried me how much he could decode my thoughts, but I was finding it hard to refuse his offer. I mean, the only reason I had left all my previous friends was because they asked too many questions, but if Darien meant what he said then I wouldn't have that problem. Not to mention, my memory of Darien had not done him justice. I looked at him once more before making my final decision, he was wearing a slim fitted dark wash jean with a navy blue V neck sweater. It appeared no matter what he wore, he was just beyond attractive.

"fine." was all I could manage to say.

"you mean it this time?" he joked.

"yes." I opened the door wide enough for him to come in after noticing that my father was no where to be seen. " Come in, I just need to run upstairs and get changed."

He stood by the door leaning against the door frame as I turned to head up the stairs.

"Nice pyjamas by the way meatball head" he mocked.

I turned my head towards him and stuck out my tongue before jogging up the remaining stairs. Once out of the view of Darien I couldn't help but smile. I tried to think of what I could put on giving my circumstances. For the past week my dad had been gone out a lot which gave my body a bit of a break so I had a lot of clear areas that normally would always be covered up.I had not a mark on my face which was a rare occurrence. I grabbed a dark pair of jegging jeans and through on a red plaid shirt. As attractive as Darien was, I wanted to take full advantage of the fact I could be makeup less. I jogged down the stairs once again, trying to be as quick as possible.I didn't want to risk my dad showing up while Darien was downstairs.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs I met eyes with Darien and we both smiled at the same time at each other.

"ready to go?" He asked

I nodded and he reached for the door handle and held the door open for me " After you?" he smiled.

Once out of the door we began to walk down the street together. We didn't really have a sense of direction it seemed as if we just wondered off aimlessly. At first we walked in a silence, a very awkward silence. It seemed that both of us had not planned what would come if I had in fact said yes and agreed to give Darien a , I couldn't take it anymore and I broke the silence. I began to ask him about his own schooling.I realized that I did not know that much about Darien. I knew that he loved jogging,dark coffee and the colour black. I knew the basics about him like his name was Darien Shields, he was handsome and intelligent. He was also out of high school and twenty three years old, which always made me wonder why he would bother with a seventeen year old like despite my first impression of Darien, he was actually a nice guy. We talked for what seemed like only minutes, but as hours passed we sat on the quiet park bench and I found myself absorbed in our the time being I didn't have any problems.

"You know, you're actually really smart you've always seemed to be somewhere really in the moment if that makes just need to focus on the right things."

"I know. I mean i'm not as clueless as people tend to believe." I paused. " I have dreams and ambition."

"After you're done high school, what are your plans?"

"I just know I want to or how I do it is kind of irrelevant.I just want to be able to let my work influence someone, you know?"

I couldn't help but ramble at this had been awhile since I had spoken to anybody about it, and Darien seemed intrigued by every word that I said.

" I know it is not anything too spectacular like becoming a doctor but I hope one day someone will read a book I wrote and it will become their for those few hours when you're so absorbed in a really good book that all of your problems don't exist. And you feel as if you are the character and their problems are now your 's what I love about books, unlike real life you see the hard times come and go in a few chapters and you're able to find out that most of the time there is a happy kind of give you hope you know? That maybe right now in life it's just a really bad chapter and soon it'll get better."

I knew I was rambling but I was sure that Darien probably thought I was a nut or talked to much and couldn't help it when my cheeks turned a crimson red.

"Im sorry." I sheepishly said

"Don't be, that was a beautiful way of saying it." he smiled at me and I could feel it happening again. He was drawing me in,and with each second I felt my body reeling in towards his. It appeared that this connection wasn't one sided because the next thing I knew he was kissing me.I missed the feeling of his lips on was so soft but yet so filled with passion. It was as if I was was as if I was safe. I couldn't fight it anymore.I kissed him back with so much urgency I was shocked at myself.

This moment was perfect. We eventually unwillingly broke the kiss in need for some oxygen.

"Serena, I know things are complicated with i'm here for going to be blunt, because I've never been the kind of guy to play games.I like you 're beautiful, you're caring and to mention you're a lot smarter than you lead on."

"Darien." I blushed at his words,I liked him as much as I knew this might not end well, I couldn't imagine depriving myself from him. " I like you too."

Yes,this was a good now.

"Serena? Is that you?"

Oh no. I prayed in my head that maybe I was hallucinating and that was not the voice of Diamond.


	6. Chapter 6

I couldn't believe that this was happening to me, I couldn't help but wonder why the universe was out to get me. It seemed any happiness I ever achieved was then ripped away from if it was a lesson I had yet to learn, happiness? that's not meant for you silly girl I could hear my own voice scolding myself. I watched all in a haze as Diamond and Darien seemed to be exchanging words and shaking hands.I looked at the monster in front of me and although I was too zoned in my own thoughts too hear what they were saying I was baffled by his at him from a far not knowing the real monster that lied beneath the layers he showed to the world, from a distance he could be seen as a kind I knew more I looked at him, the more my mind ran wild but yet I couldn't feel anything. It was as if I was not in control of my own body, as if I no longer occupied was almost like those rare cases you hear of when a patient is physically paralysed and in so much pain and unable to move or speak and despite the pain there was nothing they could do but endure it.

"Serena, Darling are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost" He smiled towards me.

As I came to I looked at him and I wanted to tear that smirk right off his face.I looked over at Darien, I could tell that he was confused by my interaction with Diamond.

"Rena," He paused leaning down to look in to my eyes "Hey, look at me."

"Sorry Darien, I don't." What was I going to say again? "I , Uhm, gosh,wait what?"

"You're shaking, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," I placed my hand over my forehead, I couldn't unscramble my thoughts."Bye,Diamond."

I could tell that he was looking at me with peculiar reaction and I could tell it was a reaction they were both experiencing as I turned from both of them and began to head in the opposite direction of them.I tried not to think but I couldn't not think and now I couldn't breathe very well, it felt as if my throat was closing. All of the feelings of that night with Diamond, his grabbing, his prying hands all over my body,I could feel them now as if they were really a similar to when you feel like a million little bugs are crawling all over your body but you can't shake them because they're not really there.

"Fuck." I muttered under my breathe before I felt my knees buckle beneath me.

The next thing I heard was the sound of feet running in my direction. I couldn't make out the distinction, but I hoped it was only one pair of feet. I was lifted up in to the arms of someone. I was not sure who, but I felt was all I needed to feel.

"I'm here now 're going to be okay." It was Darien's voice. And just like that I was in fact safe and I collapsed into his chest.

I woke up in a familiar place.I slowly opened my eyes and there was no doubt that I was in Darien's room. Darien's room was painted a soft shade of grey, and his bed was white sheets and blankets with darker grey pillows and headboard was a black leather and his floors a soft wooden brown. This room was Darien in a nut was masculine and dominate, but at the same time if wasn't too you looked around at all the little details in his room you began to see the softer side of Darien. There was his book case filled with medical books and picture was pictures of him and Andrew, and other of people I didn't know but the room had character. I stared around at the room absorbing every detail, I couldn't remember the last time I felt so well since the night with Diamond my night sleeps were disrupted,I couldn't remember the last time I had woken up not drenched in sweat every couple of hours. I looked up and there was Darien standing in the door frame.

"Hey." was all he said as he began to approach the bed and placed a glass of water on his black night stand near the bed.

"Uhm, hi."

This was awkward.

"Serena."

"Darien." I looked down at the sheets,avoiding eye contact with him for as long as I could.

"I need an answer"

"Did you ever think I don't have one to give?"

"Serena, I've been patient, but the more time I spend with you,the more my feelings grow and the more I care about you, and you can't expect me to stay quiet anymore"

"Listen, you've been nice about all of this, but we had an understanding,A don't ask ,don't tell kind of arrangement."

"That was before everything Rena."

"I never agreed to change that rule." I began to get up from the bed and move the sheets off of my body. "But hey, if you want to go back on that rule,i'll be glad to leave."

He grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me back down on to the bed "Why do you do that?Every time someone tries to get close you pull away."

I didn't have anything to say.

"how many times do I have to show you how much you mean to me before you let me in?"

"Its not that easy" I mumbled.

"Why can't it be?"

Fuck, I could feel the water works coming.I could feel my eyes begin to water and I couldn't hold back what I was about to say.

" Because Darien, I think I am falling for you.I think I already have, and I've never had to deal with this before. It's all to much, and the worse part is you think you like me too but you don't know the dark side of me, of my life,because if you did you would leave."

I couldn't look at him right now. I knew that it was true, it was the moment that I had been trying to avoid all along. I knew that I would fall for him, why wouldn't I? It is a known fact that Darien is one of the most handsome guys around,he's smart,genuine and kind, he was everything that every girl never thought they'd this is what I had tried to avoid, I had gotten lost in the moments time after time and I had let me walls down around him. I had never been able to do that with anyone but Darien, it was not that I even had to try and most of the time I had done what I can to keep them up but Darien took so many of them down without me even being aware of it. It was when he did that I began to worry. I worried that soon he would learn the truth about me and about my life, and he would realize it was just too much work to would give up on me , like everyone had.

"You're right,i don't like you. I love you Serena. And you're right I don't know the dark side of you or you're life but i'm here and I want to know every part of you, but there is one thing you're wrong about. I am never leaving you. You can fight me away, and ignore me but Im here and I am not leaving."

I couldn't help it.I began to overflow in tears,the sobs were never ending.I had never been like this before, before Darien. I had kept everything in for so long and now that Darien had broken down a few of my defences it did not take much.I felt ashamed of how easily I was letting go of all my boundaries and control that I had held on to for so long.I could barely breathe now by how hard I was crying.I was pulled into Darien's chest and as he tried to wrap his arms around me I tried to push him away, I didn't want to be comforted, I shouldn't need to he ignored my resistance and eventually I stopped pushing.

"Im here, tell me"

"I,"I hyperventilated in between words. " I can't"

I felt his lips kiss my forehead,as he held me in his arms.

"You can, we don't even have to talk about it right away you can just tell me and i'll you tell me stays between you and I. I promise you that you need to tel me what happened back there."

I knew there was no going back after I told him.

"Di-Diamond." I tried to gather myself together enough to finish "He,he forced , he forced me to have sex with him."

"Rena." I could hear the sympathy in his voice as he pulled me closer into his embrace and I hated was one of the concerns I had about anyone finding out, that sympathy that would be in people's voice.I knew what they would all think 'that poor girl', I would become another victim. I hated the idea of becoming known as a victim,victims were powerless, I was tired of the ability Diamond had to make me powerless time after time.

"Fuck,I couldn't stop it" I cursed. " You're first time isn't suppose to be like isn't suppose to be like that." I couldn't stop my ranting and I wished that I could. "I hate that he's made me this way, you can leave anytime I am a mess I'd understand."

"I know, I know." He got on to the bed with me and lied on his chest as he held me close,his arms warm and soothing around me. " I'm still here."

I don't remember how long I spent as I laid across Darien's chest as I cried .The only indication of time was the red puffiness that was my face and the soreness of my eyes and head.I must of fallen asleep once again and when I looked up Darien was still wide awake holding me just as I had remembered .As I became less groggy I noticed I had soaked some of his shirt with my tears.

"Sorry..." I mumbled as I lifted myself off his chest.

"For what?"

"Your shirt."

"Don't be sorry over something so unimportant."

"About yesterday.."

He stopped me before I could continue on with what I was saying.

"I told you we didn't need to talk about it right away but if you're ready you know I will always be here to listen."

"I just,i know i'm a wreck." I looked down at my self my shirt also stained with tears and I could feel the disaster that was my hair and face. "look at me.."

He lifted his head from the pillow and looked me over head to toe and with complete sincerity "You're beautiful." he paused and continued " But the man who did this to you is a I ask you something Serena?"

"Sure."

"Is it him that did all of that to you. I mean the marks?"

I didn't know if I could tell him the truth just yet but I knew that I couldn't lie."No."

"who then?"

"I don't know Darien..."

"Rena,It is between us." he reassured me.

"My dad." And as I said the words I knew it was not something that I could ever take back, but I couldn't help at the same time to realize how refreshing it was to tell someone about was not that I hated my father,his behaviour wasn't excusable despite what he had gone through but you don't give up on the ones you love, you don't just walk out on your family. Not like my mother.

"Your father did all of that to you?"

"mhm"

"I just...I don't understand how there are so many monsters in this world who could be so cruel to someone so genuinely kind and innocent as you."

"My father is not a monster Darien"

"Wait, you're not seriously defending him are you?"

"He's still my he is a little rough sometimes, but he is my family."

"A little rough? You have got to be kidding , I won't go back on my word but a little rough doesn't even come close to describe what I've seen him put you through"

"I have to is my doesn't always mean to hurt me, he has had it rough okay...He is going through a phase"

"Serena don't leave.I don't want to fight with you, its just you cant defend a man who could of killed you with all hes put you through.

I lifted my self off of Darien and gathered my purse that was beside the bed and made my way to the door as fast as I could. "if you didn't want to fight you shouldn't have attacked my father when you don't know a thing about ."

And then I slammed the door behind me.


End file.
